Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize