Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
