i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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