I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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