I can text with my tongue
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
