My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
