I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
