We won't sleep together?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You don't make any sense
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