you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
