Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
