Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
