btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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