Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
