I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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