Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
sex in a hospital.. check
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize