i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
