the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
