This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
They have beer where we have blood.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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