Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
