Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
