i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
