just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Quick, to the slutcave!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
