yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
