we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
