Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
