I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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