I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
