happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
