Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
