genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
