I think i peed on brittanys purse
Four minutes until I can fart!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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