I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
