I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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