So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
