can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
