Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
