I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
