addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
