My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
