is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
