and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
