The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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