So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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