1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
