People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
