Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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