I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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