just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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