Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
