there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
