Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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