I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
