Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
