I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
