Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
