i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You may now shotgun with the bride
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
