I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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