Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
