Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize