I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
