Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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