I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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