I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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