Swine flu. Run for my life!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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