Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
4 words: hood of his car
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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