you have to choose: penises or morals?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
