He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
