i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
