Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
