you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize